Post by larissamurderface on Feb 1, 2009 4:22:34 GMT -5
There she sat, legs crossed with an excited expression planted on her pale face. Miss Airica Tyler. The lobby she sat in was the type you'd find in the Trump Hotel. Fancy and simple. Very exotic plants were set on the glass tables that were edged against every wall. The ceiling was raised much like the Sistine Chapel, a flattened barrel vault. Unlike the Sistine Chapel, there was no magnificent Michaelangelo painting waiting to be looked up at. The walls were tall and had various paintings, oil based of region locations such as landscapes and seascapes. These paintings seemed, to Airica, subtle advertisements. She didn't like paintings that made her want to buy things. In short, this lobby was the most boring place on earth. Next to the people, environment, and even the receptionist, the music was by far the worst part of having to sit in this lobby. It was like, old school jazz or something. And too low to be heard. The people filling the seats next to Airica didn't seem to mind. First, there was a family of three, A father [who looksed masculine and rude,] and mother [who also looked masculine and rude,] and a little boy [who looked like a little girl.] Then there was an old woman who coated herself with to much 'Old Lady' perfume. And her outfit was bothering Airica. It was polyester, purple, and, well, ugly. Matched with gold shoes and very big glasses the old woman wasn't using, this outfit was horrible. Then, there was a dog. Who had been licking Airica's feet since she got here. This was getting out of hand.
"MYYYYY milkshake brings all the boys to tha yard, and they're like 'It's better than YOURS!' DAMN RIGHT it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. Lalalalala, warm it up, lalalalala the boys are waiting....lalalala!" That's great music right there! Now this lobby isn't so bad. This outburt by Airica caused the receptionist to glare at her like Airica was stabbing the dog. Airica stared right at her, lowered her head, and switched which leg was on top in her 'leg crossing.' Airica moves her left foot up and down, while looking around and scratches her arm. When the receptionist gets lost in her work, Airica starts up again. "How come every time you come around, my London Bridge wanna go down? My Lundy Lundy Lundy, wanna go down, my Lundy Lundy Lundy be goin' down like--" The receptionist puts her pen down in an exagerrated manner. "Ma'am?" Airica pets the dog behind the ears. He likes it, as his left leg starts to shake. "Yuh?"
"STOP singing. It's rather rude."
"Well. I was enjoying it."
"I really think you were the only one."
"Well Mr. Archer didn't tell me WHAT A RUDE RECEPTIONIST WORKED HERE." Airica screamed the last part, pratically falling out of her seat with the needed enthusiasim it took to say it so loud. The receptionist just looked at her and shook her head. And, looking down, she continued with her work. Airica took a short sideway glance at the muscley man next to her. He was giving her the 'lifted brow' look, which is very poular in urban cities such as Phoenix. Airica crosses her arms and begins to whistle the tune to 'Shake it' by Metro Station. The receptionist cringed. She didn't say anything about not whistling, so it's her fault she hears more noise while she's trying so hard to be a good worker. Then Airica starts to mumble the lyrics. "...if she does it like this...will you do it like that? ...now if she touches like this, will you touch her like that?..."
"Ma'am?"
"Si?"
"I'm going to call security if you don't stop."
"You can't do that."
"Why not?"
"I have a very important meeting with Mister Archer. Didn't I already tell you that when I signed in?"
"I didn't realize what an annoying appointment you would be." "
"Puh. Rude. C'mon SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE AH SHAKE IT!"
"SECURITY!!!"
Damn.
A few days later, in the luxury of her loft, Airica decided to call Archer so she could chat. She needed something very badly from this old man, who promised her much. She's actually not very sure why she had to wait for an appointment for him, since she was just waiting to be ushered to his hotel room at the Lovedale Hotel over in Phoenix, Arizona. HE was the one that needed to talk to HER if he wanted to negotiate pay. So, he's an irresponsible man right off the bat. Archer was a man of great skill, or so Airica heard. He responded to a flyer she posted around Airzona detailing that she needed a personal trainer. The flyer also stated a few other things that the replier should be able to do, like cook, dance, play the guitar, clean bathrooms, download music, and put thatdownloaded music on her iPod. Airica was looking for a personal slave. And she found one in Archer, who would probably comply to her silly and outrageous commands, especially when it came to the payment she was going to give. "Okay. The number to Lovedale. '555-5505.'" Airica punched the digits into her cordless home phone. The phone on the other end rang for about 10 rings before someone answered it. "This is Lovedale Luxury Hotel. How may I help you?" Oh. It was the receptionist from the Hotel. Paybacks a bitch. "Yes, I would like to be transferred to 'I.C. Weiner, please.' "
"I.C. Weiner, I.C. Weiner...I don't see an 'I.C. Weiner' on this roster. Are you sure that's the name?"
"Oh. Maybe he signed in as Shadick. Can you check that?"
"Shadick...shadick...Is that a real name?"
"Yes, actually."
"Wow. That sucks. Still not seeing that, ma'am."
"How about a Louis Archer, you bitch."
The receptionist hung up. "DAMN!" Airica hit redial. "Lovedale Hotel, how--" Airica disguised her voice like a man's, and said "Yeah, connect me to LEWWWYYYY Archer, man."
"Oh...Okay?" She totally fell for that. "Hello?" a man's voice bellowed from Airica's phone. "Archer?" Arica looked at the floor. "Who's asking?"
"Oh...code name, code name...it's Tylersaurous Sex."
"Oh okay. So about that job."
"That's why I'm calling. See, I got signed to Tri-State Wrestling League. And well, I need someone to train me, nice and geeeewd. So I can kick ass. And stuff."
"Tell me about this 'League.' So I know if it's right for you."
"But you haven't been hired yet..."
"JUST TELL ME!"
"Okay, okaaaay! So basically, there are these three Factions. And. I get drafted into one and work with them to win a Trophy for our Team. Basically I have to kick ass like my Team, Chuck Norris Style."
"You won't be flirting with boys, will you?" Airica rolls her eyes. "No Archer," she replies in an annoyed, bored tone. "Okay, then, how about we start on your diet. Eat lots of carbs and protein and carrots."
"Won't I get fat?"
"DON'T QUESTION ME WOMAN!"
"God, Archer CALM DOWN! You're like 100 years old, that's not good for your heart or anything!"
"I'm only 68 and a half."
"Could've fooled me..."
"Don't take that tone with me, woman! Now, I need you to pick up me up some basic things so we can start training tomorrow. Get out a pen and paper." Airica quickly sprints to her kitchen and starts to rummage through the draws. Once a pen and paper are aquired, she says "Rehhdeh!"
"Okay. We need: Eggs, rope, guitar strings, dinosaur stickers, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Popscicles, dog food, Cosmopolitain and this months issue of Playboy. Or Penthouse, which ever you can find."
"Gross."
"You need a visual example of what you have to look like in order to win!"
"Kay. I need big boobs then, huh?"
"Very big." Airica jots down 'Boob surgery' on her list. "Now. I have to go take a nap and eat some peas. My doctor said so. I'll call you tomorrow so I can tell you where we meet. Taco to you." Taco? Did he think that taco meant 'goodbye' in Spanish? Archer hung up, leaving Airica to ponder what just happened. Airica decides to call her new bosses to let them know what's goin' down. She dials, it rings, but...
No one is there. "Hello, you've reached TSWL's after hours. Please leave a message after the 'OH YEAH.'...OH YEAH *beep*"
"Oh uh. Hi. It's Airica Tyler. Heh. Yup. So Today I found a cool outfit to wear, right? And I thought, 'Oh gee Airica, you should wear this for your first match!' And that's exactly what I'm doing. It's grey, with a light blue drawing of a horned monster, and it says 'I Live Under Your Bed.' HEHEHE. Classic. Oh. And um. I'll be there on Monday. For sure. Um. I'll probably take pictures and send them to you, just so you guys know what I'm up to while I wait to work. It should be good. Uh. I got the e-mail for the company...And...Well Take to you guys layytur. Kay? Buhbye." Unnecessary. And now Airica calls ANOTHER person. I want her to go to sleep so I can stop describing things. "Hey, mom? Hii."
"What?"
" Hi."
"Whaaaat?"
"I said HI. Yeah. So um. I need like 3,000 dollars sent to me over hurr in Surprise."
"What, for cocaine?"
"No, it's not drug money. It's actually boob money."
"Don't be stingy with drugs Airica."
"I'm not, I'm not. I need BOOB MONEY MAH."
"Why? That's stupid."
"Well my personal trainer says I need big boobs like all the other female wreslters, and some male wrestlers; so I can win."
"No."
"But..But...Okay the money IS for drugs."
"NO AIRICA!"
"Okay...But can you send me Goober, at least? I'm bored and Pewy needs a hump buddy."
"Okay honey."
"And while you're at it...SEND THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS!" And with that, Airica hung up. "Ah, what a good daay."
☻ How would you like to help Airica Tyler raise 3 thousand dollars for a boob job!? And you know, looking at her, she may need another 2 done after the first! Just log onto www.airicatylerboobs.com, register your name and license plate number and then donate the much needed money to the Airica Needs Boobs foundation. C'mon, who likes small boobs anyways, right? "Well, I like my small boobs..." Besides Airica. And now, for a limited time, you can get an AIRICA TYLER PLUSH DOLL FOR ONLY 19.95! Plus 6.96 S&H. Hurry, before this offer is no longer available! Paid for by the Archer Talent Agency.
"MYYYYY milkshake brings all the boys to tha yard, and they're like 'It's better than YOURS!' DAMN RIGHT it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge. Lalalalala, warm it up, lalalalala the boys are waiting....lalalala!" That's great music right there! Now this lobby isn't so bad. This outburt by Airica caused the receptionist to glare at her like Airica was stabbing the dog. Airica stared right at her, lowered her head, and switched which leg was on top in her 'leg crossing.' Airica moves her left foot up and down, while looking around and scratches her arm. When the receptionist gets lost in her work, Airica starts up again. "How come every time you come around, my London Bridge wanna go down? My Lundy Lundy Lundy, wanna go down, my Lundy Lundy Lundy be goin' down like--" The receptionist puts her pen down in an exagerrated manner. "Ma'am?" Airica pets the dog behind the ears. He likes it, as his left leg starts to shake. "Yuh?"
"STOP singing. It's rather rude."
"Well. I was enjoying it."
"I really think you were the only one."
"Well Mr. Archer didn't tell me WHAT A RUDE RECEPTIONIST WORKED HERE." Airica screamed the last part, pratically falling out of her seat with the needed enthusiasim it took to say it so loud. The receptionist just looked at her and shook her head. And, looking down, she continued with her work. Airica took a short sideway glance at the muscley man next to her. He was giving her the 'lifted brow' look, which is very poular in urban cities such as Phoenix. Airica crosses her arms and begins to whistle the tune to 'Shake it' by Metro Station. The receptionist cringed. She didn't say anything about not whistling, so it's her fault she hears more noise while she's trying so hard to be a good worker. Then Airica starts to mumble the lyrics. "...if she does it like this...will you do it like that? ...now if she touches like this, will you touch her like that?..."
"Ma'am?"
"Si?"
"I'm going to call security if you don't stop."
"You can't do that."
"Why not?"
"I have a very important meeting with Mister Archer. Didn't I already tell you that when I signed in?"
"I didn't realize what an annoying appointment you would be." "
"Puh. Rude. C'mon SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE SHAKE AH SHAKE IT!"
"SECURITY!!!"
Damn.
A few days later, in the luxury of her loft, Airica decided to call Archer so she could chat. She needed something very badly from this old man, who promised her much. She's actually not very sure why she had to wait for an appointment for him, since she was just waiting to be ushered to his hotel room at the Lovedale Hotel over in Phoenix, Arizona. HE was the one that needed to talk to HER if he wanted to negotiate pay. So, he's an irresponsible man right off the bat. Archer was a man of great skill, or so Airica heard. He responded to a flyer she posted around Airzona detailing that she needed a personal trainer. The flyer also stated a few other things that the replier should be able to do, like cook, dance, play the guitar, clean bathrooms, download music, and put thatdownloaded music on her iPod. Airica was looking for a personal slave. And she found one in Archer, who would probably comply to her silly and outrageous commands, especially when it came to the payment she was going to give. "Okay. The number to Lovedale. '555-5505.'" Airica punched the digits into her cordless home phone. The phone on the other end rang for about 10 rings before someone answered it. "This is Lovedale Luxury Hotel. How may I help you?" Oh. It was the receptionist from the Hotel. Paybacks a bitch. "Yes, I would like to be transferred to 'I.C. Weiner, please.' "
"I.C. Weiner, I.C. Weiner...I don't see an 'I.C. Weiner' on this roster. Are you sure that's the name?"
"Oh. Maybe he signed in as Shadick. Can you check that?"
"Shadick...shadick...Is that a real name?"
"Yes, actually."
"Wow. That sucks. Still not seeing that, ma'am."
"How about a Louis Archer, you bitch."
The receptionist hung up. "DAMN!" Airica hit redial. "Lovedale Hotel, how--" Airica disguised her voice like a man's, and said "Yeah, connect me to LEWWWYYYY Archer, man."
"Oh...Okay?" She totally fell for that. "Hello?" a man's voice bellowed from Airica's phone. "Archer?" Arica looked at the floor. "Who's asking?"
"Oh...code name, code name...it's Tylersaurous Sex."
"Oh okay. So about that job."
"That's why I'm calling. See, I got signed to Tri-State Wrestling League. And well, I need someone to train me, nice and geeeewd. So I can kick ass. And stuff."
"Tell me about this 'League.' So I know if it's right for you."
"But you haven't been hired yet..."
"JUST TELL ME!"
"Okay, okaaaay! So basically, there are these three Factions. And. I get drafted into one and work with them to win a Trophy for our Team. Basically I have to kick ass like my Team, Chuck Norris Style."
"You won't be flirting with boys, will you?" Airica rolls her eyes. "No Archer," she replies in an annoyed, bored tone. "Okay, then, how about we start on your diet. Eat lots of carbs and protein and carrots."
"Won't I get fat?"
"DON'T QUESTION ME WOMAN!"
"God, Archer CALM DOWN! You're like 100 years old, that's not good for your heart or anything!"
"I'm only 68 and a half."
"Could've fooled me..."
"Don't take that tone with me, woman! Now, I need you to pick up me up some basic things so we can start training tomorrow. Get out a pen and paper." Airica quickly sprints to her kitchen and starts to rummage through the draws. Once a pen and paper are aquired, she says "Rehhdeh!"
"Okay. We need: Eggs, rope, guitar strings, dinosaur stickers, Dr. Pepper, Mountain Dew, Popscicles, dog food, Cosmopolitain and this months issue of Playboy. Or Penthouse, which ever you can find."
"Gross."
"You need a visual example of what you have to look like in order to win!"
"Kay. I need big boobs then, huh?"
"Very big." Airica jots down 'Boob surgery' on her list. "Now. I have to go take a nap and eat some peas. My doctor said so. I'll call you tomorrow so I can tell you where we meet. Taco to you." Taco? Did he think that taco meant 'goodbye' in Spanish? Archer hung up, leaving Airica to ponder what just happened. Airica decides to call her new bosses to let them know what's goin' down. She dials, it rings, but...
No one is there. "Hello, you've reached TSWL's after hours. Please leave a message after the 'OH YEAH.'...OH YEAH *beep*"
"Oh uh. Hi. It's Airica Tyler. Heh. Yup. So Today I found a cool outfit to wear, right? And I thought, 'Oh gee Airica, you should wear this for your first match!' And that's exactly what I'm doing. It's grey, with a light blue drawing of a horned monster, and it says 'I Live Under Your Bed.' HEHEHE. Classic. Oh. And um. I'll be there on Monday. For sure. Um. I'll probably take pictures and send them to you, just so you guys know what I'm up to while I wait to work. It should be good. Uh. I got the e-mail for the company...And...Well Take to you guys layytur. Kay? Buhbye." Unnecessary. And now Airica calls ANOTHER person. I want her to go to sleep so I can stop describing things. "Hey, mom? Hii."
"What?"
" Hi."
"Whaaaat?"
"I said HI. Yeah. So um. I need like 3,000 dollars sent to me over hurr in Surprise."
"What, for cocaine?"
"No, it's not drug money. It's actually boob money."
"Don't be stingy with drugs Airica."
"I'm not, I'm not. I need BOOB MONEY MAH."
"Why? That's stupid."
"Well my personal trainer says I need big boobs like all the other female wreslters, and some male wrestlers; so I can win."
"No."
"But..But...Okay the money IS for drugs."
"NO AIRICA!"
"Okay...But can you send me Goober, at least? I'm bored and Pewy needs a hump buddy."
"Okay honey."
"And while you're at it...SEND THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS!" And with that, Airica hung up. "Ah, what a good daay."
☻ How would you like to help Airica Tyler raise 3 thousand dollars for a boob job!? And you know, looking at her, she may need another 2 done after the first! Just log onto www.airicatylerboobs.com, register your name and license plate number and then donate the much needed money to the Airica Needs Boobs foundation. C'mon, who likes small boobs anyways, right? "Well, I like my small boobs..." Besides Airica. And now, for a limited time, you can get an AIRICA TYLER PLUSH DOLL FOR ONLY 19.95! Plus 6.96 S&H. Hurry, before this offer is no longer available! Paid for by the Archer Talent Agency.